Bringing Back the “Behavioural Experiment”

This is what I’d look like if I were a scientist… Maybe. OK, I just said that because she has blonde hair too…

In the early stages of my Eating Disorder recovery, I had weekly behavioural experiments or challenges set, either in my psychologist appointments or during my home “therapy” sessions with Mum, to try to combat my ED-fuelled thoughts and fears. These could involve really small things like going to have coffee and cake one time that week, to larger challenges such as trying to eat a certain “feared” food every day, like bread or bananas.

“A behavioural experiment is like exposure, but is a better challenge of your beliefs because you are encouraged to be very clear about what you will do differently, and to use that change to challenge your beliefs about specific results of that change. You are seeking evidence that your existing [ED-fuelled] beliefs are correct (e.g. “If I start eating breakfast every day my weight will shoot up by 3kg in a month…”), or that alternate beliefs are more accurate (e.g. “If I eat breakfast every day, then my weight will stay the stable…”)… Behavioural experiments are a challenging but powerful way of changing your fears about your eating, weight, and shape – thus freeing you up to eat normally again. They allow you to gather concrete evidence to evaluate the accuracy of your automatic thoughts.” From p.79 of Beating Your Eating Disorder by Glenn Walker, Victoria et.al.

So basically it would go like this…

1. I came up with an experiment to challenge a fear I had: “I will eat a banana every day for a whole week”

2. I wrote down what my automatic (ED) thoughts and predictions were for it: “I’ll stack on at least 1kg”.

3. Then I had to think of an alternate prediction: “My weight will not change a great deal at all”.
I did behavioural experiments so regularly during my early recovery challenging various things. Some worked out, some didn’t really get off the ground because I was too fearful to take the risk and potentially find out ED was right. My psychologist said to imagine I was a scientist and look at it as an opportunity to experiment and learn. This was easier said than done at times. It’s much easier to experiment on others than on yourself…

“Science again! I said science again!”
I love Homestar Runner…

I remembered the behavioural experiment yesterday when I was making my breakfast. Once again, I had opted for porridge, made with milk and topped with blueberries, cinnamon and maple syrup. I know right, YUM!!!

Now, I love porridge… And when I say love it, I mean LOVE IT!!!! It’s warm, tasty, grainy, gooey, chewy, sweet and savoury all at the same time. I could eat it for every meal and never get sick of it.

I think I just drooled.

There are so many mix-in and topping combinations you can add to them too. I could possibly eat a different kind of porridge every day for a year if I really put my mind to it (now there’s a cool challenge! “365 days of oatmeal”).

Sorry, gratuitously adding in another porridge picture. Couldn’t help it ❤

Yesterday though I realised that there were potentially other reasons I was opting for it most mornings too, and these were ED-fuelled ones… Porridge has become my “safe”, go-to option. Whenever I think about having something different, porridge usually wins over because my ED tells me all the things that are “wrong” with the other option. As much as I love porridge (you know how much – see previous paragraph), I think I have fallen into a safe ED-ruled pattern and that needs to stop. There are plenty of other awesome breakfast options I can have and want to have. Through this epiphany (I love that word), I also realised that I haven’t done behavioural experiment for quite some time now. I’m not sure why. Maybe I have fallen out of the habit because I am further along in my recovery and ED is not so strong anymore. It’s still there though and has a strong presence because I still face many, many fears and anxieties every day.

So, this seemed like a good opportunity to reinstate the behavioural experiment! And this time, the focus is on breakfast.

The experiment: This week, I am going 7 straight days without having porridge for breakfast. Each breakfast will be different too; eggs on toast, crumpets, muesli, french toast, pancakes, peanut butter, bacon! The list is endless.

What my automatic thoughts and predictions are:

1. I will gain weight if I eat anything other than porridge because they contain “unsafe” foods.

2. I will be eating too many calories with some of the other options. This result in weight gain.

3. The other breakfast option will not be as filling as porridge and I will have to eat more or eat again not long after (having seconds or extra causes a lot of distress).

4. I will become distressed because I won’t be able to decide what to eat due to there being so many other options, and I no longer have a “safe” fall-back option if my ED thoughts get too overpowering.

5. I won’t enjoy breakfast as much as I usually do and this will upset me.

What my “alternate” predictions are:

1. The foods I use in my breakfast will not noticeably impact on my weight and shape.

2. I may consume more calories, but this will not make a difference to my weight or shape.

3. The other option will be just as filling, so long as I make sure I eat a decent serving or serve up as much as I need/feel like.

4. I will enjoy searching for options and trying new/different foods. It will be a pleasant and exciting experience.

5. By trying different foods, I will end up enjoying breakfast just as much, of not more, and will find some new breakfast options to include more in my repertoire.

This is equally exciting and scary at the same time. I am excited about allowing myself to have different things (feeling rebellious against ED!), but scared of the outcome or distress it may cause.

Regardless, I am going to stick to this one. See it out for the week. If it wasn’t too difficult I may extend it to 2 weeks to get a better lot of evidence.

Wish me luck!

Oh the options are endless! Nom nom nom.

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