Having an eating disorder is like…

Metaphors are an amazing thing. They are a brilliant way of describing or explaining things, of helping others see things from your point of view.

I have found that I use them a surprisingly large amount when speaking to people about my eating disorder and recovery… Especially my parents. It helps me explain to them exactly what is going on in my head, at that particular time or on a daily basis. When speaking to my Dad last night (after a horrendous ED- & frustration-fueled episode) I tried to explain to him a what recovery is like.

Here are the two I came up with…

“To me, eating disorder recovery is like pushing a giant boulder up a long hill. You have to keep pushing and holding that boulder in place, no matter how tired you become. You cannot take your hands off for a rest because it will just roll back down to the bottom. Sometimes pushing that boulder becomes too much, and you cannot see how much better things will be when you get it in place. So, you contemplate letting go, stepping off to the side, and watching it roll back down… You think that leaving it there and never getting it to where it needs to go will be easier. Easier than the constant struggle it was causing. Sometimes you contemplate letting the boulder go, but not steppng away, and letting it roll over you instead, because then you’ll never have to think or worry about or push that damn thing ever again…”

I know I need to think of a positive way to end that one… But right now I don’t feel so positive, so it’ll have to wait.

“Sometimes battling my eating disorder is like playing whack-a-mole, where the moles are the different rules, shoulds/shouldn’ts, guilt etc. that Ed throws at me every day. The moment I think I have got one on the head and gotten rid of it, another pops its head up out of another hole. As the game goes on, the moles become more frequent and I find I am just swinging my hammer madly trying to get each one. Eventually they get the better of me and I collapse in an exhausted heap, unable to keep playing. But somehow, after my meltdown and a rest, I find the strength to play again, this time hoping to whack just a few more…”

‘They have to be ready to change..’

When I read this article it was as though she had taken my brain out and smudged it onto a piece of paper… Or the computer screen. I know that in the end, the real fight to change is with the sufferer themselves, but our friends and family can’t just sit around and wait for us to make all the moves toward recovery; leave their room/house, dry their tears, pick up the fork, make a meal, even just speak up.

It comes down to us, but we CANNOT do it alone. The times I have been at my lowest (mentally) have been when I felt completely alone with my Ed: when it felt like no one could help me – hold my hand as I jump over the huge puddle on the road, take my handbag as I struggle with juggling it and my own thoughts and life, offer me a lift to wherever I need to go, grab another sledge hammer and help me break down the brick wall Ed has built in front of me…

Yes, we need to recover FOR ourselves, but we can’t always do it BY ourselves. If you know someone with an Ed, let them know that if they need some help getting through it all, you’ll take their hand, hold their handbag, drive the car, bring a sledgehammer… Whatever they need at that time. Most importantly, Make sure you keep that promise. If you can’t keep it, don’t offer it. Obviously there will be times you can’t, you can’t be available 24/7… The reason I say this is because sadly I have had friends offer help to me and never wanted to help, or couldn’t ever help when the time came. To ask for help in a desperate time and be turned down for it is the scariest, loneliest things. Especially when it’s a recurring event.

Anyways, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Read the article. Read it now. You know you want to! 😉

..A Rambling Becky..

‘They have to want to change, they have to be ready to change, no one can make someone recover, we can’t save everyone, it has to come from them and if they aren’t willing to cooperate then we cannot help them.’

Noncompliant. Difficult. Chronic. Treatment resistant. Non cooperative. Unwilling.

If someone wants something then they reach for it don’t they? If someone wants something then they make decisions which are reflected in their choices, right? Well, yes. Yes, in many different areas of life that is what happens but with anorexia that isn’t how it works; I wish it were!!

Whilst treatment providers wait for people to ‘choose’ recovery, be ‘motivated’ to make changes, ‘comply’ with treatment and ‘cooperate’ with a programme, those people become more and more unwell. Of course this means that the illness has more time to infiltrate a mind, destroy a body and suck all hope from a soul…

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How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are)

Yep. I’m ruining my own life… Or I already have… But how do I change? I can’t just snap my fingers and everything is all ok and optimistic and my past no longer torments me. I want this article to change my perspective but I don’t know how.

6 Tips On How To Move Back In With Your Parents And Not Go Crazy

I need to keep this in mind as living with my folks is driving me more and more up the wall the longer I stay there…

If We Talked About Cancer The Way We Talk About Eating Disorders

Wow… Just changing one word can make a question or comment an ED sufferer hears all the time, sound utterly cruel and ignorant.

The Supermarket

I don’t know about anyone else in recovery, but I find one of the most daunting, scary, torturous places for me has been, and still is, the supermarket.

I hate going there. It has to be up there in my top 3 feared places thanks to my ED.

Here are some reasons why:

• I take 5 times as long as anyone else to purchase items I go there for, because ED tells me to spend so much time look at and compare the nutrition information on each product to find the best, “healthiest” option. More often than not this results in not purchasing the type I wanted in the first place (because it wasn’t “safe” enough) or not purchasing anything at all.

• Sometimes I do make the decision to say “stuff you ED” and purchase the item I wanted without looking at the labels, but it’s a long trip between the supermarket and home… Usually enough time for ED to talk me out of eating it. The item ends up in my fridge, cupboard  etc. never getting eaten.

• I get overwhelmed at how many options there are of things to choose from that I can’t make a decision.

• I see things that I would really like to try, but ED tells me all the reasons not to and I end up disappointed, upset, etc.

• I get upset at all the foods there that I like, but ED will never let me eat. It’s torture. I avoid the confectionary aisle for that exact reason.

My reason for this post is because last night I had a terrible ED experience. I was driving home from my friend’s house after a celebration evening, as her PHD candidature has been accepted (yay!), and has this overwhelming craving for ice cream and chocolate (I am blaming time-of-the-month for this one).

I drove past a Maccas and thought “yes, a Maccas Sunday will hit the spot”… But of course, ED was sitting right next to me in the car, and he put the fear of God into me and I drove on.

But I was still craving it.

I decided at the last-minute to pull into a local supermarket. “I’ll buy some ice cream and topping myself and will make it at home. It’s a slightly safer option”.

I walked into the supermarket, shaking and so nervous. I wandered up to the ice cream section and stood there, looking at the 50,000 different varieties of ice cream I had the blessed task of choosing from.

This was a bad idea.

I hadn’t realised at this stage that ED had also gotten out of the car and followed me into the supermarket. He tapped me on the shoulder and from that moment on, I was in his grasp. I checked nutrition labels, looked a flavours, costs, servings per packet, flavours… The works. All the while ED was talking in my ear, telling me to put them back etc.

I won’t tell you what ED was saying to me. I do not want to trigger anyone reading this. All you need to know is that 15 minutes later, I walked out. No ice cream.

Tears ensued in the car home, and more tears developed when I got home and Mum asked me what was wrong.

I hate ED. I hate the power he has over me. I hate what he makes me do. Or not do.

It seems so unfair that what would be a normal everyday task for anyone else requires so much effort and thought and anxiety for me.

I love ice cream. There are so many foods I love that ED will not let me eat, and it is pure torture.

Some of you might be thinking, “why do you let ED do this to you?” or “You are weak and just blaming him for your actions”. I guess I am in a way… I know what I need to do to get past this. I need to tell ED to buzz off.. That I don’t care or believe what he says… That he is wrong… In order to truly beat ED I need to go against all the things he tells me. I can’t let him win every argument.

Yet, this can be so difficult at times. When ED tells me that the consequences of my rebelling against him are the things I fear the most, or that he will be sitting there waiting, ready to say “I told you so… I told you eating that was a bad idea…” laughing and smirking in his smug, arrogant way when (or IF) this all blows up in my face…

I couldn’t bear the shame, the guilt, the embarrassment he will cause me to feel.

I don’t know how to overcome this.

What this just a bad day or bad episode? Maybe it was the wrong time to try to fight ED. So, do I pick my battles with him? Or should I be battling him every step of the way… Every decision, every piece of food, every shopping excursion?

I don’t know. All I know is that the more I fight him, the more he fights back, and every step away from him becomes harder and harder.

After that experience, I don’t want to walk back into another supermarket ever again. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t have the strenght at the moment to fight ED with every item I put in my basket when I am there.

So, I am asking you. If supermarket shopping has been an issue for you, how did you overcome it? What strategies did you put in place?

I could really do with some words of wisdom.

Ames xx

“Everyone Loves a Bargain!” How to Make Achievable Plans and Goals…

They sure do.

Yet, this post is not about shopping at all, weirdly enough.

It was actually something that was said by one of the psychologists today at my Day Program.

If you haven’t read my post “Behavioural Experiments” (go on, do it. Read it now. You know you want to) I am in the process of conducting a behavioural experiment regarding breakfast. I eat porridge almost every morning for breakfast every day. I absolutely love it, it’s so delicious, comforting and there’s so many variations! However, I am starting to think that isn’t the only reason I have it all the time. I have realised that I also choose it because it’s a “safe” food for me and my ED. It keeps ED happy because I’m not breaking his rules to control my weight and shape. It also avoids dealing with the stress and anxiety I experience from my ED when having other breakfast options because I’m breaking them.

So, as of last Monday my behavioural experiment was to not have porridge for breakfast for the whole week.

It started ok, but only lasted until Wednesday… After Tuesday’s choice everything became too much and a meltdown ensued. I was feeling so terrible Wenesday morning I just had to have porridge to calm myself down and not push the anxiety any further. I was so disappointed in myself. I had failed at my chance to really challenge Ed.

At my day program, we start off with a group check-in, where we each share something we have experienced during the week, and how our IPD (Independent Personal Development – usually created the week before) went. I brought up my behavioural experiment as my IPD and how it didn’t last long.

In response to this, one of the psychologists brought up that when we decide to do something (goals, changes, organising things etc.) we often take a black and white, perfectionist, all-or-nothing approach, which very often sets us up for failure or disappointment. So, whatever you decide to do, cut it in half or “discount” it by 50%.

This in no way is meant to be a glass-half-full approach. It is a positive move.

If you discount to 50%, then it will be much more achievable and there is even the chance you may over-achieve! Everyone loves a bargain!  Also, if you found it easy that time, you can increase your expectations (decrease your discount) the next time.

After some thought and discussion, I have realised that my decision to undertake this behavioural experiment every day – in addition to all the other daily, less “planned” times I challenge him with each meal, bite, mouthful, thought etc. – was perhaps a little too bigger expectation on myself. So, I should discount it. Perhaps it is wiser to try a different breakfast 3 or 4 times for a week, interspersed with my yummy porridge. That way I am still challenging ED, but get to keep eating my much-loved, safer porridge option (I seriously started to miss it and was craving its deliciousness pretty badly by today).

I am going to restart this challenge this coming Monday, and see how I last with my 50% off behavioural experiment instead.

If this goes well, I may do it 4-5 times next time, or try for some more challenging options.

I feel better about lessening the frequency, but I have to make sure I don’t make my breakfast choice based on what else I am/might be eating that day. Otherwise I’ll have porridge on the days I am more anxious and I don’t believe that is conducting the experiment properly. I think it needs to be alternating: One day porridge, the next day, something different. No excuses.

Fingers crossed it goes better this time :o)

Ames xx

Love from, my secret admirer… me.

As you may be aware (and if you are not I’m thinking you have been living under a media/advertisement/retail rock for the past month) Valentine’s Day will be upon us very soon. Tomorrow in fact…

I am single. By choice at the moment. I am just not in the right place to be in a relationship at the moment. Given, if the right guy landaed on my doorstep by some sheer stroke of fate and chance, I would make a pretty big effort to let go of my inhibitions in regards to loving someone else.

I am getting carried away here. Back on track!

One thing I am struggling with my in recovery is learning to love and accept myself. Knowing I am much more than a number on the scale, a dress size or a certain stereoptype – these things shouldn’t define who I am or even matter. However, to me they do. I am frightened to death of rejection and judgement based on my appearance (thanks high school bullies). If someone were to call me fat or ugly, I don’t think I would cope. It would destroy me. Hence why I am stuck in this monster of an eating disorder, trying to control my weight and shape so I do not get judged negatively. 

Now, I know that I shouldn’t be relying on external validation about my appearance to feel worthy, or on the flipside, unworthy. I should be focusing on who I am: my personality, skills, talents etc. these are the things that truly matter. I also know that if someone were to make harsh comments on my appearance, it shouldn’t matter one single bit. Who are they to judge anyways? They have no right to make those sorts of comments; forcing their own and society’s stereotypes on other people, forcing them to change. These aren’t the kinds of pople one wants in their life anyway. We need to hang around people who love us for us and don’t care how much we weigh or what colour our hair is etc.. These are our true friends.

I think everyone can take a leaf out of Thumper’s book.

I need to keep in mind that really, no one is perfect or perfectly fits the chocolate mold anyways (like how I threw a yummy food in there??), we are all created unique and that’s what makes us special right?

I can hear you know… “OK, so if she is saying all these things why doesn’t she believe them, or why does she have an eating disorder?” well, I’m saying them because that is what I’ve been told. Part of me believes it, but unfortunately a larger part of me doesn’t believe it, or fears the potential that it could happen if I don’t keep myself looking a certain way… That blessed unknown. 

My fear is greater than my strength. 

I need to learn to love myself more, and show love for myself, and I mean everything about myself, from my good bits to my not-so-good bits. 

Anyway, as I mentioned before, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. So, seems I have no one to show me some lovin’ (but in all honesty, do we really need a set day to tell or show someone we love them? Can’t we do that any day?), I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to show myself some lovin’.

No inuendo intended. Get your heads out of the gutter! Hehehe. 

I don’t mean THAT kind of self love… I mean this kind:

“In 1956, psychologist & social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one’s strengths and weaknesses). He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way…”, The Art of Loving (1956) by Erich Fromm. Harper & Row, source: Wikipedia, February 8th 2015 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-love

I have decided that for 7 days from Valentine’s Day onwards, I am going to do at least one act of self-love each day. Something to respect, know, care and be responsible for myself, internally and externally.

Here is my check list (in no particular order). Note that I have more than 7. I put more than enough on their in case some weren’t possible.

1. Give myself a foot bath – soak, massage, exfoliate – I wouldn’t mind this considering Aussie feet can get pretty dry and crusty in summer! Good old thongs…
2. Write myself a “love” letter – everything I love and appreciate about myself.
3. Buy myself one of my favourite treats.
4. Buy or send myself my favourite flowers – maybe even red roses ;o)
5. Take a self-care day.
6. Listen to my body with exercise one day – What does it REALLY want to do?
7. Cook/buy myself one of my favourite meals.
8. Paint nail art on my nails – I never have time to do this anymore.
9. Call in sick to work – yes please!
10. Moisturise my whole body – this will take a lot of mental strength.

So there it is peoples. I am looking forward to doing this. We don’t treat ourselves with love and kindness enough, so this is my chance to make a real effort to do it. Who knows, if it works I might try to continue with it!

Bringing Back the “Behavioural Experiment”

This is what I’d look like if I were a scientist… Maybe. OK, I just said that because she has blonde hair too…

In the early stages of my Eating Disorder recovery, I had weekly behavioural experiments or challenges set, either in my psychologist appointments or during my home “therapy” sessions with Mum, to try to combat my ED-fuelled thoughts and fears. These could involve really small things like going to have coffee and cake one time that week, to larger challenges such as trying to eat a certain “feared” food every day, like bread or bananas.

“A behavioural experiment is like exposure, but is a better challenge of your beliefs because you are encouraged to be very clear about what you will do differently, and to use that change to challenge your beliefs about specific results of that change. You are seeking evidence that your existing [ED-fuelled] beliefs are correct (e.g. “If I start eating breakfast every day my weight will shoot up by 3kg in a month…”), or that alternate beliefs are more accurate (e.g. “If I eat breakfast every day, then my weight will stay the stable…”)… Behavioural experiments are a challenging but powerful way of changing your fears about your eating, weight, and shape – thus freeing you up to eat normally again. They allow you to gather concrete evidence to evaluate the accuracy of your automatic thoughts.” From p.79 of Beating Your Eating Disorder by Glenn Walker, Victoria et.al.

So basically it would go like this…

1. I came up with an experiment to challenge a fear I had: “I will eat a banana every day for a whole week”

2. I wrote down what my automatic (ED) thoughts and predictions were for it: “I’ll stack on at least 1kg”.

3. Then I had to think of an alternate prediction: “My weight will not change a great deal at all”.
I did behavioural experiments so regularly during my early recovery challenging various things. Some worked out, some didn’t really get off the ground because I was too fearful to take the risk and potentially find out ED was right. My psychologist said to imagine I was a scientist and look at it as an opportunity to experiment and learn. This was easier said than done at times. It’s much easier to experiment on others than on yourself…

“Science again! I said science again!”
I love Homestar Runner…

I remembered the behavioural experiment yesterday when I was making my breakfast. Once again, I had opted for porridge, made with milk and topped with blueberries, cinnamon and maple syrup. I know right, YUM!!!

Now, I love porridge… And when I say love it, I mean LOVE IT!!!! It’s warm, tasty, grainy, gooey, chewy, sweet and savoury all at the same time. I could eat it for every meal and never get sick of it.

I think I just drooled.

There are so many mix-in and topping combinations you can add to them too. I could possibly eat a different kind of porridge every day for a year if I really put my mind to it (now there’s a cool challenge! “365 days of oatmeal”).

Sorry, gratuitously adding in another porridge picture. Couldn’t help it ❤

Yesterday though I realised that there were potentially other reasons I was opting for it most mornings too, and these were ED-fuelled ones… Porridge has become my “safe”, go-to option. Whenever I think about having something different, porridge usually wins over because my ED tells me all the things that are “wrong” with the other option. As much as I love porridge (you know how much – see previous paragraph), I think I have fallen into a safe ED-ruled pattern and that needs to stop. There are plenty of other awesome breakfast options I can have and want to have. Through this epiphany (I love that word), I also realised that I haven’t done behavioural experiment for quite some time now. I’m not sure why. Maybe I have fallen out of the habit because I am further along in my recovery and ED is not so strong anymore. It’s still there though and has a strong presence because I still face many, many fears and anxieties every day.

So, this seemed like a good opportunity to reinstate the behavioural experiment! And this time, the focus is on breakfast.

The experiment: This week, I am going 7 straight days without having porridge for breakfast. Each breakfast will be different too; eggs on toast, crumpets, muesli, french toast, pancakes, peanut butter, bacon! The list is endless.

What my automatic thoughts and predictions are:

1. I will gain weight if I eat anything other than porridge because they contain “unsafe” foods.

2. I will be eating too many calories with some of the other options. This result in weight gain.

3. The other breakfast option will not be as filling as porridge and I will have to eat more or eat again not long after (having seconds or extra causes a lot of distress).

4. I will become distressed because I won’t be able to decide what to eat due to there being so many other options, and I no longer have a “safe” fall-back option if my ED thoughts get too overpowering.

5. I won’t enjoy breakfast as much as I usually do and this will upset me.

What my “alternate” predictions are:

1. The foods I use in my breakfast will not noticeably impact on my weight and shape.

2. I may consume more calories, but this will not make a difference to my weight or shape.

3. The other option will be just as filling, so long as I make sure I eat a decent serving or serve up as much as I need/feel like.

4. I will enjoy searching for options and trying new/different foods. It will be a pleasant and exciting experience.

5. By trying different foods, I will end up enjoying breakfast just as much, of not more, and will find some new breakfast options to include more in my repertoire.

This is equally exciting and scary at the same time. I am excited about allowing myself to have different things (feeling rebellious against ED!), but scared of the outcome or distress it may cause.

Regardless, I am going to stick to this one. See it out for the week. If it wasn’t too difficult I may extend it to 2 weeks to get a better lot of evidence.

Wish me luck!

Oh the options are endless! Nom nom nom.

Wanted: A “Good Listener”. A vent about venting.

I like to vent. 

I need to. 

I believe it is something all humans need to do at one time or another.

Personally, it’s one of my ways of externalising and getting rid of pent-up emotions I might have bottled up inside me. Believe me, being a pretty passive person who, when faced with a situation that calls for voicing myself, either gets flustered and does nothing or seems to just come across as a compete bitch when she even mildy attempts to be assertive, I rarely speak my mind at the time it would be most beneficial to. So, of course I stew about what I should have said and this frustration – at the situation and also at myself for my lack of assertiveness – builds up inside me. Think of it like an internal thermometer, where the mercury rises as I ruminate, eventually reaches the “hottest” point/highest temp and bursts out of the top. That is breaking point. Reminds me of what you see in cartoons actually. Hehe. 

 So, who do I vent to? My friends and family of course. I tell them things that have annoyed me, how something made me feel, what my opinion is about things etc. 

When I do this though, I never seem to get the outcome I’d like… I try talking to my friends/family about my troubles and I usually get one of the following:

• Advice on what I need to do
• Justification of and sometimes almost standing up for the other person’s actions – this makes me feel like I am wrong and stupid for thinking they way I do. 
• Comparing to or switching to their own problems, kind of shrugging mine off.
• Comparing what the other person has done to something wrong I have done in the past!!!

Why do people do this? When one of the above things happens to me I just end up feeling frustrated, upset and sometimes even worse than I did before I started to talk. I think “why bother?” and go back to bottling up everything again. 

I have to admit, I am guilty of trying to advise people when they have problems. Perhaps it’s the helper/fixer in me. I want everyone to be happy so I try to solve their problems.  I am going to work on this, because I am learning from my own experiences that sometimes people just want to be listened to.

So, basically, I have been thinking over the past week and I don’t really believe have a friend or family member who I could say is a good listener… And that makes me very sad.

After this realisation, I  found myself thinking, what exactly makes a good listener? What do I want my friends and family to possess in order to deem them good listeners? Is there an unwritten set of criteria we must follow, or is it subjective? – Do my needs for a “good listener” differ from the next person’s?

Well, in order to try and find some answers, I did some Googling and found two answers. One is a dictionary reference (reliable?), and one is an article about relationship ships and good listening (possibly not so reliable, although it is written by a “stress expert”. It’s not like I can see her qualifications or anything though to validate this claim. Hmm)…

1) A good listener: Definition

Source: Canbridge Dictionary

Someone who gives you a lot of attention when you are talking about your problems or things that worry you, and tries to understand and support you.

I like this definition! Not only do they listen attentively, but they simply try to understand and support you. 

2) Build Friendships With Good Listening Skills: Article

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., Stress Management Expert

Source:  http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/howtolisten.htm

“Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you’re strengtheing a relationship, resolving a conflict, or offering support in a facing a crisis, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace. Learn how to be a truly supportive listener, and you may find yourself surrounded by others who are able to do the same. Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills…” (for full descriptions visit the article via the link)

Here’s How:

1. Listen, Listen, Listen. 
2. Reframe What You Hear.
3. Ask About Feelings.
4. Keep The Focus On Them.
5. Help Brainstorm.

 Tips:  

1. Stay Present.
2. Don’t Give Advice…  your friend probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can find his or her own solutions.  
3. Trust The Process [eventhough] it might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solution. Let Things Even Out Over Time… Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a friend, your friend will likely be a better listener for you.

Elizabeth’s article was very simple and to-the-point. It empathised with both the speaker and the listener, acknowledging how hard it can be to just listen sometimes. This article ticked nearly all of the boxes in my search for defining what I wanted to be a “good listener”.

So here it is; my job advert for a new Good Listener. 

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Wanted: A Good Listener

Amy is seeking expressions of interest from people wishing to untertake the role of her listener and venting-ear. 

Work type: Frienship – full time. Listener – casual.

Essential criteria

Applicants must demonstrate the ability to:

• Listen attentivelt and acknowledge what has been said.
• Empathise with Amy and acknowledge her feelings when she is feeling a certain way, even if you perhaps don’t always agree with her.
• Decipher and ascertain possible emotions Amy is feeling when she may not know it herself. 
• Maintain the focus on Amy during this time and not start comparing her problems to those of your own, or talking about yourself instead.
• Help her work through the problem and develop her own solutions to the problems if she requests help.

Desired criteria

• Preferably someone with some similar interests, who I can hang out with and who can be my friend also! I would like to have fun with you and not only use you as a counselling service! That would be a sucky relationship.
• Sense of humour.
• Likes making people cups of tea.
• Preferably within 5 years of Amy’s age (each way). She is 28.

Amy welcomes applicants from all genders (sometimes guys can actually make better listeners than girls! That is just my opinion though, it may not be yours), religions and all cultures.

Applications excepted as of today. 

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You said it Spongebob…

Hopefully someone will come my way soon. For the time being, I may just have to rely on my journal (and here accasionally) to vent my spleen. 

In the meantime, I’d be intereasted to hear your thoughts… What do you hope for in a good listener? Are your needs the same as mine, the dictionary, or those in Elizabeth’s article? Or do they differ?

 Ames xx