New Clothing Motives

I had an interesting moment today…

I was walking around Target and decided to try on an exercise top I really liked. It was nice and looked good, but was a bit above my price range. I was considering buying it, based on the “I don’t need it, but really like it” thought in my head….

I suddenly caught myself looking in the mirror and asking “why do you really want to buy this top?”…

My answer? “…because I look good in it and want to look good at the gym… I want to fit in… for people to think I look like I belong there”.

I realised I wasn’t buying the top for the sake of needing it, or liking how I felt in it, it was so others would think I looked good. I was annoyed at myself for thinking this way, and immediately took the top off and left the changeroom.

I am sure I do this a lot when buying clothes; but this is the first time I caught myself out thinking this way.

I have spent so much of my life relying way too much on what other people think of me. I crave the approval of others and sometimes have lost my true self in smaller (or larger) moments of trying to fit in.

I am kind of proud for having this moment today, and I hope I can be mindful of my true reasons for purchasing clothes in future change room adventures.

Maybe this is a first (if maybe tiny) step in my journey toward approving of, and eventually “liking” myself.

Love from, my secret admirer… me.

As you may be aware (and if you are not I’m thinking you have been living under a media/advertisement/retail rock for the past month) Valentine’s Day will be upon us very soon. Tomorrow in fact…

I am single. By choice at the moment. I am just not in the right place to be in a relationship at the moment. Given, if the right guy landaed on my doorstep by some sheer stroke of fate and chance, I would make a pretty big effort to let go of my inhibitions in regards to loving someone else.

I am getting carried away here. Back on track!

One thing I am struggling with my in recovery is learning to love and accept myself. Knowing I am much more than a number on the scale, a dress size or a certain stereoptype – these things shouldn’t define who I am or even matter. However, to me they do. I am frightened to death of rejection and judgement based on my appearance (thanks high school bullies). If someone were to call me fat or ugly, I don’t think I would cope. It would destroy me. Hence why I am stuck in this monster of an eating disorder, trying to control my weight and shape so I do not get judged negatively. 

Now, I know that I shouldn’t be relying on external validation about my appearance to feel worthy, or on the flipside, unworthy. I should be focusing on who I am: my personality, skills, talents etc. these are the things that truly matter. I also know that if someone were to make harsh comments on my appearance, it shouldn’t matter one single bit. Who are they to judge anyways? They have no right to make those sorts of comments; forcing their own and society’s stereotypes on other people, forcing them to change. These aren’t the kinds of pople one wants in their life anyway. We need to hang around people who love us for us and don’t care how much we weigh or what colour our hair is etc.. These are our true friends.

I think everyone can take a leaf out of Thumper’s book.

I need to keep in mind that really, no one is perfect or perfectly fits the chocolate mold anyways (like how I threw a yummy food in there??), we are all created unique and that’s what makes us special right?

I can hear you know… “OK, so if she is saying all these things why doesn’t she believe them, or why does she have an eating disorder?” well, I’m saying them because that is what I’ve been told. Part of me believes it, but unfortunately a larger part of me doesn’t believe it, or fears the potential that it could happen if I don’t keep myself looking a certain way… That blessed unknown. 

My fear is greater than my strength. 

I need to learn to love myself more, and show love for myself, and I mean everything about myself, from my good bits to my not-so-good bits. 

Anyway, as I mentioned before, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. So, seems I have no one to show me some lovin’ (but in all honesty, do we really need a set day to tell or show someone we love them? Can’t we do that any day?), I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to show myself some lovin’.

No inuendo intended. Get your heads out of the gutter! Hehehe. 

I don’t mean THAT kind of self love… I mean this kind:

“In 1956, psychologist & social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one’s strengths and weaknesses). He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way…”, The Art of Loving (1956) by Erich Fromm. Harper & Row, source: Wikipedia, February 8th 2015 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-love

I have decided that for 7 days from Valentine’s Day onwards, I am going to do at least one act of self-love each day. Something to respect, know, care and be responsible for myself, internally and externally.

Here is my check list (in no particular order). Note that I have more than 7. I put more than enough on their in case some weren’t possible.

1. Give myself a foot bath – soak, massage, exfoliate – I wouldn’t mind this considering Aussie feet can get pretty dry and crusty in summer! Good old thongs…
2. Write myself a “love” letter – everything I love and appreciate about myself.
3. Buy myself one of my favourite treats.
4. Buy or send myself my favourite flowers – maybe even red roses ;o)
5. Take a self-care day.
6. Listen to my body with exercise one day – What does it REALLY want to do?
7. Cook/buy myself one of my favourite meals.
8. Paint nail art on my nails – I never have time to do this anymore.
9. Call in sick to work – yes please!
10. Moisturise my whole body – this will take a lot of mental strength.

So there it is peoples. I am looking forward to doing this. We don’t treat ourselves with love and kindness enough, so this is my chance to make a real effort to do it. Who knows, if it works I might try to continue with it!

An Amazing Article on Weight and Food

“My five year old understands that she needs to eat a variety of foods every day. Some foods make her grow, others help her learn, and prevent her from getting sick. And some are just yummy.”

I stumbled across this article yesterday, shared by a few pages I follow on Facebook.

I have one thing to say about it.

It.is.amazing!

I am starting to think the title of his post kind of gave that away though…

Anyways, this article, “How To Talk To Your Daughter About Weight” is written by Kasey Edwards (link below). I don’t know her too well, but from the brief time I spent scrolling through her other work, she writes on a variety of issues from feminism, to parenting, to dieting, to body image. The list goes on! 

In this article, Kasey gives advice on ways to discuss weight and food with children, and uses her own interaction with her daughters as examples. Her approach is so beautiful and I love the way she interprets things.

I think my favourite part is how Kasey addresses the different kinds of foods and avoiding the “good” vs. “bad” stigma food has received:

“My five year old understands that she needs to eat a variety of foods every day. Some foods make her grow, others help her learn, and prevent her from getting sick. And some are just yummy.”

“I don’t prohibit any foods… [I don’t want to] create any sort of good/bad associations…. Violet understands that she can eat processed foods some times… [but] if she ate too much cake, then she wouldn’t be able to fit in all the other foods that her body needs“

Teaching children this different reason for labelling “sometimes” foods is brilliant and so very true. If we ate sometimes foods all day, how are our bodies going to fit in the foods we need to eat in order to get the nutrients they need to grow, think and heal. 

I had never thought of it like that…

I strongly believe that as much as this article is directed at parents and children, it could be of use to anyone wishing to change their beliefs and attitude toward food. 

Being in recovery from Anorexia myself, I have developed a very long list of food rules. It’s ridiculous, but these rules control my life. As part of my recovery I am working through breaking and lessening them, of course. One of these rules is the labelling of certain foods as good or bad, and I’m not just talking about “sometimes” foods… I’m talking some everyday foods too. I often find myself confused over whether I SHOULD eat retain foods, and how much of them I can eat, mainly because they may be bad and in my ED-ruled head, bad foods lead to weight gain. Through reading this article though, I feel like I could even learn to take this approach to food. No foods are off the table. Sure, I can eat cake. Cake is not bad for me. Cake is there to be eaten. Cake is delicious! It just ranks lower in importance to the other food groups. If I am eating a great variety of foods and giving my body what it needs, what is stopping me from having a piece of cake, or some choccies?

I am trying to word this so it does not sound disordered… I really hope it doesn’t. I am not trying to give reason to avoid sometimes foods… I am actually trying to justify why they are a perfectly normal part of our lives and are not bad. If you can think of a better way of wording this, please let me know! I’d like to hear your opinions.

Also, please remember that this post is my interpretation of the article. I am not preaching or demanding anyone believe the same as me. You may interpret it differently, and that’s perfectly ok. We can agree to disagree :o)

Anyway, have a read. I hope you find it as informative as I did.  

Until next time, ciao.

Ames xx 

Link to Article: http://m.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/parenting-and-families/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-weight-20150202-133vll.html